After the last lesson, reading Lord of the Rings the same day, these
two popped up, about hope, and I shared them with Bailey:
After all he [Sam] never had any real hope in the affair from
the beginning; but being a cheerful hobbit he had not needed
hope, as long as despair could be postponed. (Vol 2, 246)
It had always been a notion of his [Sam’s] that the kindness of
dear Mr. Frodo was of such a high degree that it must imply a
fair measure of blindness. Of course, he also firmly held the
incompatible belief that Mr. Frodo was the wisest person in the
world. (Vol. 2, 248)
I added a pithy quote about expectations from Nataraja Guru, in
my response to Gopica.
Bindu
These verses spoke to me in a very practical way. Working in a
demanding environment where there are targets, deadlines, system
issues, and many factors beyond my control, I often find myself
becoming attached to outcomes and feeling personally responsible
for everything that happens. The teaching here reminds me that
while I am responsible for my actions, I am not the owner of the
results. My role is to act sincerely, with care and integrity, and then
let go of excessive anxiety about what follows.
I understand more clearly now that it is not action itself that binds
us, but our attachment to it. The same action can either create
bondage or become a path to freedom depending on the attitude
behind it. When actions arise from ego, desire, fear, or the need for
recognition, they bind. When they are performed selflessly, with
awareness and without insistence on a particular outcome, they
become liberating. This insight encourages me to bring a spirit of
yoga into ordinary activities rather than reserving spirituality for
special times of prayer or meditation.
A recent incident in my own life helped me understand this
teaching more deeply. On 3 July, my son had taken my husband's
car to meet a friend and parked it on the main road. We had
previously experienced the theft of a car from our driveway, so my
husband had taken many precautions with this vehicle, including
additional security features and anti-theft protection. Yet, despite
all these measures, two people still managed to break into the car.
The alarm sounded, and fortunately my son saw what was
happening and ran towards the vehicle. The thieves fled before
they could take it away. Although the car was recovered, it
suffered damage and we had to pay more than £500 for repairs
because my husband chose not to claim through the insurance
company.
As I reflected on this event, I realised that life unfolds according to
causes and conditions beyond my control. We took every
reasonable precaution, yet the attempted theft still occurred. At the
same time, the car was not taken. Rather than remaining angry or
asking, "Why did this happen to us?", I felt grateful that the
situation was not worse. The incident reminded me that attachment
to possessions inevitably brings anxiety, while acceptance brings
peace. The thieves acted from desire and attachment, while our
challenge was to respond without hatred, fear, or bitterness. In that
sense, the event became a lesson in the difference between binding
and liberating action.
After the incident, I wrote these thoughts in my diary:
"As dawn dissolves the night, freedom fades for some.
The night wanderers return, having taken only what nature permits
to sustain life. They are called animals, for they live in harmony
with the law of necessity.
Yet there are those who possess reason, conscience, and choice,
and still take what is not theirs. They are called humans.
Perhaps wisdom is not measured by intelligence, but by the ability
to master one's desires. For the wild follows nature, while the
human heart alone can choose either harmony or greed."
The teaching that the Divine neither rewards nor punishes also
challenged some deeply ingrained beliefs. Like many people, I
grew up with the idea of God as a judge keeping account of every
action. These verses offer a more profound understanding. The
Divine simply shines, while ignorance prevents us from
recognising our true nature. I can see how the idea of divine
judgment sometimes creates fear, guilt, and self-condemnation.
Letting go of that image shifts the focus toward self-understanding,
responsibility, and inner growth. It also helps me become less
judgmental of others, recognising that each person is struggling
through different layers of conditioning and ignorance.
The image of wisdom shining like the sun gives me great hope.
Clouds may temporarily hide the sun, but they never diminish its
light. In the same way, anxieties, fears, attachments, and old habits
may obscure my deeper nature, but they cannot destroy it. This
reminds me of Narayana Guru's vision of the One Light that
remains ever-present behind all appearances. Spiritual growth is
therefore not about becoming something new but about removing
the obstacles that prevent that light from being recognised.
Narayana Guru's teachings also invite me to look beyond my outer
identity and discover the source of awareness itself. The mind,
senses, body, and even the world I experience are illuminated by a
deeper Reality, the "sun beyond." Reflecting on this helps me shift
my attention from what I appear to be to that which gives light to
all my experiences.
The discussion of vasanas and samskaras also resonates with me.
Our memories, habits, and subconscious tendencies shape how we
respond to life. In myself, I notice tendencies toward
responsibility, concern for doing things correctly, and sometimes
worrying about matters beyond my control. These tendencies do
not need to be suppressed or denied. Instead, they can be observed
with awareness and gradually transformed. The path is not
repression but understanding.
I have noticed how a single question can create a thought, the
thought can awaken a memory, the memory can become a
judgment, and the judgment can trigger an emotion. Often the
mind reacts to something old, yet the emotion feels completely
new and real. Observing this process helps me understand
how vasanas and samskaras continue to influence my perceptions
and responses in daily life.
One example comes from a painful experience in my childhood.
While my parents were working and trusting relatives to care for
me, someone took advantage of that trust and abused me. For
many years I carried the pain, anger, confusion, and sense of loss
that came from that experience. Even now, when I am struggling
or feeling vulnerable, those old memories sometimes return. There
were times when I felt angry about what happened, angry that I
was not protected, and even angry with God.
For a long time I felt like a flower crushed while still in bud. The
memory never completely disappeared, and I doubt it ever will.
Yet I have learned that healing does not necessarily mean
forgetting. After more than forty years, I was finally able to tell my
parents how deeply I had been hurt and how unsupported I had
felt. Speaking those words through tears was painful, but it was
also liberating. The experience no longer defines me as a victim.
Reflecting on these teachings helps me see that such memories are
part of the storehouse of samskaras carried within the mind. They
arise from time to time, not to punish me, but to be understood and
integrated. I now recognise that many girls of my generation
suffered similar experiences in silence because such matters were
rarely acknowledged or discussed openly. This understanding has
given me greater compassion for myself and for others who carry
hidden wounds.
Through awareness and self-inquiry, I am learning to witness these
memories rather than be overwhelmed by them. The pain may still
arise, but it no longer has the same power over my life. In this way,
what was once a source of suffering gradually becomes part of the
path toward understanding, resilience, and freedom.
I was also deeply touched by the vision of equality expressed in
these verses. True wisdom is not measured by intellectual
knowledge alone. A truly wise person sees the same Reality in all
beings, regardless of status, education, background, or appearance.
This echoes Narayana Guru's message of oneness and human
dignity. The more I reflect on this teaching, the more I realise that
genuine spirituality naturally expresses itself as humility,
compassion, and respect for all forms of life.
These teachings encourage me to integrate spirituality into every
aspect of daily living. Peace does not come from escaping
responsibilities but from changing the way I relate to them. When I
perform my duties without attachment, loosen the ego's claim of
being the doer, and strive to recognise the same Divine presence in
everyone, life becomes lighter and more meaningful. Every action,
every relationship, and every challenge becomes an opportunity to
remember the One Reality that shines through all. Through such
understanding, even the ordinary events of life become steps on the
path toward greater wisdom, freedom, and inner peace.
Love Bindu xx
Scott: It’s hard for me to find anything to add to, in your essay,
Bindu. Here’s about all I could come up with. You, very correctly,
write: “When actions arise from ego, desire, fear, or the need for
recognition, they bind. When they are performed selflessly, with
awareness and without insistence on a particular outcome, they
become liberating.” Actually, actions are liberating already. Acting
as a yogi is already free from bondage. My small point is that
liberation is not a future achievement that we take action to bring
about, it’s our natural state. Bondage comes about when we add
expectations and fixed notions to our actions, and they shape our
performance to suit their demands. If you’d simply said the actions
are liberating instead of they become liberating, I wouldn’t have
had anything to quibble about at all.
It may take us the entire course to free ourselves from the
idea that we are doing all this work to become wise, or self-
realized, or what have you. We’re simply removing the
impediments we’ve learned to add to the mix, so we can be more
fully ourselves.
Your conclusion about the spirit of yoga shows that this is a
habitual way most of us describe action, and you don’t even make
that mistake, so it’s just a semantic issue. Forgive me for
mentioning it, if it seems trivial to you.
Bummer about your car, but your yogic takeaways almost
make it worthwhile. I was robbed when I was fairly young, and it
gave me a vivid reaction of feeling violated—I really took it
personally. Your letting go of those types of reaction turned your
event into an educational, and even liberating opportunity.
Your understanding of verse 15 is most valuable. Here it is,
again:
The all-pervading One takes cognizance neither of the sinful
nor the meritorious actions of anyone; wisdom is veiled by
unwisdom; beings are deluded thereby.
It appears to me that for religious people, this is a lot like the death
of God. When God was alive, their actions were restrained by the
fear of being judged and punished. Now he’s gone, all hell is
breaking loose from those with that mindset: freedom means they
can get away with anything. Bindu, you have shown the spiritual
way to rightly embody that monumental shift. The all-seeing judge
is within us, and we’d best deploy it gently and wisely. May it
never die! Becoming less judgmental of others is a very happy,
very predictable corollary.
Knowing Narayana Guru’s enlightened teachings gives you a
leg up, Bindu. He and his lineage deserve all praise for realizing
the true meaning of the Gita. Many of us come to his philosophy
through the Gita itself, but your previous knowledge is clearly
making it easy for you to get the picture. Nice.
Great that you are able to address and mitigate old traumas as
part of your yoga practice, Bindu. Letting go of victimhood is a
major step in the right direction. You’re right: this is why
samskaras are necessary to recognize. They are repairable.
My favorite trip account of all time has an episode of
releasing a similar type of samskara. If you’d like to follow up on
what you’ve shared, I can send you the link or the excerpt.
Very nicely done, Bindu. Carry on!
Venkat
I am reading Lesson 13 on Sacrifices that arise from action bound
by wisdom. The section talks about sacrificing possessiveness,
different sacrifices, and an introduction to wisdom sacrifice.
Interestingly, we helped a friend move from Texas to Connecticut
and it took us back to the memory of travelling to India three years
ago. Sangeetha mentioned how none of these were really
necessary. The most important things we carried were diapers and
baby cream for the two-day-long travel. We made the most out of
the trip. The memories of being together with family and friends
along with the photos were the valuable possessions that stood
the test of time. Everything else we brought back was either worn
out or discarded over the years. But the memories were often a
place to revisit. Sometimes, Dhruv has a habit of carrying back
home a leaf, a stone, or a nut after a walk. I don't know what it
means to him but I think of it as a memory that he wishes to carry
back with him. We discard it in a few days but I am sure the
memories are forever.
Growing up, I participated in a range of sacrifices mentioned in the
verses. In my school days, each day was associated with a deity
and going to their respective temple, offering flowers, and prayers.
There were days of fasting too. During my college days, I rejected
it all and questioned everything. I think mostly because of the
reciprocity that wasn't met and the unjust inequality. Today, in
contemplation, I realize it's the attachment to the expectation for
the former. I still can't figure out the latter.
Years later, a whirlwind of emotional experiences took me to my
distant uncle who was a Sri Vidya practitioner. At times, he would
suggest meditating on a mantra or a practice as simple as lighting a
lamp. The most cherished has been his words that took years for
me to realize. For me, the sacrifices mentioned in this chapter were
like a journey to the wisdom sacrifice. A journey of rejecting the
multitude of options to be with the Gurus. Currently, in this
journey, I still question a lot and reject a lot of things that don't suit
me but make sure to accept and cherish the valuable ones.
On the question of what makes me high in a lasting way, I was an
ardent fan of movies in general. Watching them, talking about
them, and being mesmerized by them gave me highs in the past.
But in the past few years, I don't get any such highs from them. I
am just consuming them. I felt that I was not really contributing
anything. In recent years, I have been in awe of birds, their
migration patterns, parenting, nesting and environmental
behaviors. I have also grown some interest in reading and
understanding varied principles. 'What is time?' is one such
question that I have been researching for the sake of my own
understanding. These questions and research seem to give me a
high that lasts longer. Sometimes, I zone out of mundane
conversations to these questions that give me highs.
July 15th was our 6th year wedding anniversary. We are high
school friends and marrying my wife was against societal
compulsiveness. We both loved each other when we met after
college and then chose to do our postgraduate studies in the US.
We had to wait for three years to get her family's approval. Love
marriages in India are still complicated. My father-in-law was
worried about societal acceptance and his expectations of my wife.
But things turned out well for us and we got married at the peak of
Covid in the USA amongst friends with family watching the
ceremony through the internet. I compare this to my current
expectations at work and the emotions that arise on rejection after
valuable contributions. The emotions seem to narrow my vision
and affect me. These emotions seem to clear out or not affect me in
contemplation or reading. But,at times, a word or a thought seems
to take me on an emotional journey. I still need to work on making
each moment an opportunity.
Scott, thank you for helping me through tangible practices.
Scott: Nice to have you along for the ride, Venkat. The fact that
it’s familiar territory will give you a unique angle on it. I’m sure
we would all like to hear about your uncle’s teachings, as they
come back to mind.
We just had 5-year-old Jai here for a few days, and he carried
a special rock around with him, that he’d found in the driveway.
There is something instinctual in humans for having an object to
ground ourselves on. Those with a religious bent call it worship.
As Narayana Guru would say, if it makes a better person, it’s good.
In chapter XII, Krishna will say worshipping an image is easier
than no image, though the result is the same.
In chapter IX, verse 26, I have given a philosophical
interpretation of the flower-on-altar sacrifice. You might find it
amusing right now. Sacrifice is of course a main theme in the Gita,
and I always tie it to my definition of “freely chosen activity.”
Sacrifice is what we do that is utterly optional.
You’re not alone in wondering where justice is to be found.
Turns out “unjust inequality” is much easier to practice, and it’s
present almost everywhere. The Gita provides a firm basis for
justice, but making it work is up to each of us. Questioning and
rejecting inferior options is an integral part of the wisdom
sacrifice.
The wisdom sacrifice holds up better than almost anything as
a source of profound satisfaction, and it can include the entire
spectrum of precious values and activities.
Congratulations on your 6 th anniversary, and already having a
child for half that time. Forgive me, but one of my favorite sayings
of Guru Nitya was that God is busy bringing stupids together,
because he wants the children. (He got very tired of the relational
problems we kept bothering him about. He surely wasn’t talking
about you and Sangeetha!)
Do make each moment an opportunity, by being fully aware
of it. It shouldn’t feel like work; it should be fun. Follow your
bliss, knowing bliss comes from understanding and engagement.
This course will offer you a lot to love, as part of that.
Gopica
Greetings! As i am travelling from tomorrow through out the
weekend, felt to send my response little earlier than usual.
Loved reading these verses. They brought a feeling of liberation
and a yearning for that state of inner freedom, which I have only
tasted like a gentle breeze, momentarily and sporadically. For me,
the essence is: freedom is not found by avoiding action; it is found
by acting without being psychologically imprisoned by the action
or its outcome.
I realize that I may be under an illusion that I have already crossed
over from expecting results, yet I still face challenges in decision
making. I have been living with the understanding that I have
“surrendered to life” and yielded to whatever comes, but I often
feel hit by the consequences when things go wrong.
For example, I was recently invited to do career guidance for high
school students. The founder of the school is someone I already
know for delaying payment for services offered. Even though I had
experienced this pattern earlier, I offered my services again
without discussing the financial part. I was aware of their payment
cycle and waited for the expected date, while also feeling the need
to send a gentle reminder. I wrote to her with a thought-out
message, mentioning that if any services were required from me
for the coming month and the financial aspects of my previous
work is yet to be settled. She replied immediately, saying she
would connect and discuss it the following week. That week never
came.
I felt bad about myself for accepting the request in the first place,
knowing her operation. On reflecting, I could see that I sometimes
make decisions out of a need for money, without ensuring a clear
professional contract. In a way, I am inviting situations where there
is no proper agreement. This raises a question for me: how do I
conduct myself when requests come from such people? I see that I
need to find a strategy to initiate financial discussions before
offering services, irrespective of who the person is.
These verses help me see that I lost my peace here because there
was an unspoken motive in me when I accepted the request. My
learning is to act with clarity, to set fair boundaries, and to move
towards that inner freedom where I can serve and work, without
being trapped by anxiety about outcomes or by my own hidden
expectations.
Thank you!
Scott: Gopica, this philosophy does not mean you should leave
your fair payment for your work to chance—and it’s hardly chance
if you already knew you might not get paid.
Nataraja Guru, in his Gita, I’m pretty sure, wrote that the way
people interpret not having expectations is like a farmer burning
his field of corn after it has grown and ripened.
It sounds like you should be getting paid ahead of time. Or do
make a contract.
You could frame it as a unique opportunity to interact with
high school students, and treat the pay as a possible side benefit,
but that doesn’t sound like what you need.
I did career counseling once for graduating seniors, but I was
happy to volunteer (this class is how I volunteer nowadays). They
had never invited a firefighter before, and I don’t expect anyone
joined the service because of me, but they got a taste of a different
lifestyle.
Anyway, we just had a relevant lesson, at the end of chapter
IV:
42) Therefore, sundering with the sword of Self-knowledge this
ignorance-born doubt residing in the heart, stand firm in the
unitive way, and stand up, [Gopica]. (insertion mine )
Honest standing up is legitimate. We are surrounded by petty
politicians and CEOs who stand up for themselves beyond all
reason. The latter is called bullying, or worse.
Aha, I found Nataraja Guru’s appeal to reason:
Gita II.47
This is a much-quoted and much-abused verse which has been
bandied about by pseudo-pandits who seem to support the idea
that a man who works should not think of any results. If a man
should cultivate a field and if, when the corn is ripe, he himself
should set fire to it to prove to his neighbours that he does not
care for “the fruit of action,” that would almost correspond to
the sense in which many such pandits seem to interpret the
meaning of the verse. To expect reasonable results from any
action that a man might do is but normal, hence purposely to
minimize the importance of results in the sense indicated in the
above example, would be absurd.
Your conclusion is spot on, Gopica: “I lost my peace here because
there was an unspoken motive in me.” Self-examination is
necessary to reveal our hidden motivations, attributed by the
ancients to samskaras and vasanas, now to memories and genetic
codings. Yogis work with the ones they can repair, learn to accept
those they cannot—and come to know the difference. Once you get
the feel of it, it’s easier than the alternatives.
Bailey
I really appreciate your encouraging response to me, Scott! For the
hobbit lore too, thanks. And I really love Bindu’s poem! Grasping
the saving root which turns out to be a serpent now turning
angry—oh dear oh dear! Talk about the unpredictability of actions
and consequences of actions. Then there’s Bindu’s own anger
awakened, she’s shouting at the Absolute...wait! now she’s
laughing, surrendering control. The first book of a now
distinguished senior medievalist focused on monks in
Charlemagne’s day who developed rituals to express anger at relics
which failed to respond to prayers and solve problems as they were
supposed to: like Bindu, the monks cursed them out loud, and
collectively. You gotta laugh. Puts me in mind of a piece of advice
once offered by my Uncle Bob: “take your job seriously, but don’t
take yourself seriously”. Or The Incredible String Band: “All this
world’s but just a play—be thou the joyful player.”
July 5. Today we met, my daughter Emma, her partner JV, Bruce
(husband or my ex-wife Kitch) and I, to discuss our understandings
of the situation of our brother/son/b-in-law/step-son ZL. We all
agree that he is on a trajectory of grave concern: if he continues to
drink he will likely lose the job that has for the past four years
given him some sense of stability, purpose and financial
independence. And die. What can be done? JV, himself a serious,
self-destructive alcoholic in the 20’s who stopped for years, got a
PhD and was in a good marriage, fell off the wagon and managed
for a few years survived as a secret, binge-alcoholic until he
realized if he continued both marriage and career were likely lost,
stressed to us that only Zachary-Lewis can “hit bottom” and decide
he wants to go towards Life, not Death. Emma said she has
recently come to the conclusion that, after years of trying to be
understanding, helpful, supportive it now seems to her that efforts
to influence her brother have been largely counter-
productive. Bruce, who has known Zack well since he married his
mother Kitch in 1998, pretty much agreed that a lot of his and
Kitch’s efforts might be classed as enabling more than helping
solve the problem. He decided to attend an Al-Anon meeting for
himself, he went on to say. There he learned the basic principle of
the “Three Cs: you didn’t Create the problem; you cannot Cure it;
your temptation is to keep trying to Control it.”
As for me, after years of thinking there is good basic
communication between my son and me (it is true that he discusses
history with me with both good knowledge and enthusiasm) I have
concluded that his great skill lies in deflecting any real emotional
engagement. As his sister puts it: he walls himself off. Why does
he do this? When did he start doing this? What can I, can any of
us do at this point to help him? During this conversation my mind
would go back to the Gita, in particular to Krishna’s assurance in
verse 11 that yogis can, “abandoning attachment” engage in
actions “for (purposes of) purity of Self” while verse 12 contrasts
those “desire-motivated, attached to results” with the actor(s) “of
unified discipline, discarding benefit motive”.
July 14. Bastille Day! Now there’s a date to ponder, a story to
ponder for one drawn to try to understand the ramifications of past
events, the consequences of actions on the grand stage of human
history. In 1789 the people of Paris capture the great feudal
fortress-prison that serves and symbolizes arbitrary power, (or
Tyranny in the still-fresh language of the American Declaration of
Independence, then only a dozen years old and well-known in
France). They kill a few Agents of Oppression, they free a few
prisoners, they demolish the hated structure/symbol stone by
stone. They thus launch the French Revolution. The Declaration of
the Rights of Man (Humankind in our idiom) and Citizen will
follow shortly (a direct consequence); this will in turn inspire the
United Nations Declaration of Human Rights, the philosophical
basis or legitimate governance in our global world, as WWII was
ending. Thus: A Good Thing surely? There’s the story that this
question was put directly to Chou-en-lai, the Chinese Communist
leader most deeply steeped in philosophy and world history (he
had studied in France); he smiled, shrugged, “It’s a little soon to
tell.” The Reign of Terror, its mass executions, civil wars in
France, Napoleon’s European wars can also, plausibly, be seen as
dynamics set in motion by the taking of the Bastille. And what
about global-scale wars in the 20 th century, current wars in the
Middle East and Ukraine—also consequences? Take it from
another angle: the Bastille story can also be taken to legitimate the
principle of populism-driven power, used today by the Trump
Administration (among other actors on the globe) to justify its
repressive, tyrannical policies and actions.
July 15 (9AM) I just put out the refilled bird feeder my daughter
Emma gave me; sure enough, the birds have lost no time, they’re at
it, a chipmunk scampers by, that movement back at forest edge is
probably the rabbit, thank heavens the squirrels are off somewhere
else for the moment. What a delight to watch these fellow critters
feeding away!
July 16 (10 PM). Since Christine returned we have resumed our
morning spiritual reading. Today Emmanuel Desjardins was
commenting of one of the particular “formulas” Swami Prajnanpad
emphasized particularly for his Western disciples: the distinction
between emotion and sentiment, particularly in regard to acting, or
not. Emotion impels people toward action, always for the wrong
reasons. Emotion fundamentally taints, distorts reality. Sentiment,
in Swamiji’s use of the term, apprehends reality clearly and
neutrally, like the well-informed one of v. 18 for whom the
Brahmin and the eater of dogs are the same. But emotions are
fundamental realities for us human critters in our relativistic realm
where we are buffeted about by vasanas and samskaras. To try to
deny them as in some sense unreal, unworthy of existing, will not
help anyone along the spiritual path. On the contrary! A guy loses
his girlfriend to another guy–as in the Beatles song “She’s got a
ticket to ride”. He’s hurt, he hates it, but he says to himself: OK, I
refuse to be jealous, I am stronger than that—“she don’t
care?” well, I don’t care, so there! What he’s trying to do is to
refuse, repress, deny the full extent of his own emotion. I’m
thinking of Scott’s comments on v. 18: this guy is squelching
himself, those vasanas are hopping about, full of suppressed,
indignant energy. Probably all of us have suffered in some
configuration of that reality; I certainly have. Swamiji, says ED,
would put it this way: fully accept the emotion, don’t evade the
suffering, be “one with the reality”, but don’t be driven to action
(or non-action) by the emotion. Act –or refrain from
acting—consciously. The sentiment of disappointment, of
betrayal, is just. I have a mental picture of those Carolingian
monks shaking their fists, chanting Latin curses at those relics
they’ve piled up before the altar.
Time to wind this one up, head for bed, carry on.
Scott: Oh yeah, Bailey: that song (“ Maya ”) from the Incredible
String Band is one of my all-time favorites, with its refrain “all this
world is but a play, be thou the joyful play—er.” That’s the spirit.
And there’s nothing like a good song to lift the soul when the
outlook is dispiriting. Music is meditation too.
Speaking of which, the lead article on this month’s (August)
issue of the Atlantic is on the post-literate age that is already upon
us, proceeding at full speed. Brilliant, but oh so distressing. As
usual, I’ve cast my lot with complex sentences and concepts, while
the circus is headed the opposite direction…. My Gita commentary
is seriously out of date, and so am I. And I’m so glad. I’m glad,
I’m glad, I’m glad. To cite another beloved song from my
developmental period.
Cursing the deity as therapy reminded me of a favorite
section in Nitya’s autobiography, Love and Blessings:
I am so glad that nobody taught me Freud when I was five or
six. Consequently I had a clean and natural mind. Then the
awareness of sexuality crept into my life almost like a dark
conspiracy. One of my cousins, Vasu, wanted to share the
intelligence he was gathering about sex, and he found me a
willing listener. Every day when we returned from school, he
used to take me to a nearby thicket to give me my daily lessons.
As in an occult initiation, he always wanted me to take the oath
of secrecy before learning new words.
Afterwards as a grownup, when I sat at the feet of my gurus
to listen to mantras and mahavakyas, I remembered that my
cousin had been as solemn and serious as any guru. The only
difference was that the qualitative psychodynamics of
obscenity were far greater than those of the sacred mantras.
Every word he uttered went deep into my mind at once, and I
never forgot them. When the organs of action are counted, the
order is given as speech, hands, legs, excretory organs, and
procreative organs. So it is no wonder that infantile sexuality
begins with words and that of the adult culminates in
procreation. (27)
I don’t know what to say about helping an alcoholic, or any
kind of holic, for that matter, other than it’s truly God’s problem.
For humans, fixing it is well-nigh impossible. The impossible
occasionally becomes possible with enough persistence. I feel for
you. My kids are okay, I’m pretty sure. I’ve only had a brother-in-
law, my best friend for ten years, to try out my schemes on. I was
easily defeated by him, throwing my good intentions back in my
face, with glee. I was the one with a problem, not him. Deflection
with a sadistic flourish.
Let me quote Love and Blessings again, Nitya writing to my
wife regarding the very same person, years before the crisis.
Probably this isn’t adequate advice for a son:
You should not be saddened about anyone unless your sadness
has a positive or negative impact on him to jolt him out of the
impasse and set him right. I may observe a fast, or cry, scream,
slap myself and roll on the floor like a mad dog if only I see the
ghost of a chance to pull the other to the right track. If that is
not possible, I prefer to walk away with a prayer in my heart.
May you continue to be a joyful player, Bailey. Can anyone
“abandon attachment” for their children? It sounds like a sin. Yoga
in practice means more like “ameliorate attachment,” maintaining
a balanced perspective as we carefully make our way through the
chaos that we would love to dispel, but can’t.
I was born in 1951, and grew up to viscerally experience a
peaceful, prosperous, stable, human-rights endorsing nation, and
man, it was fabulous! I couldn’t imagine why anyone would want
to torpedo it. The gods must be crazy…. We are definitely
undergoing a quantum leap of some kind. It wouldn’t be a quantum
leap if we knew where we were headed.
I agree with you, Bailey. I think Prajnanpad is a bit off.
Emotions—feelings—are how our inner guru communicates
(nonverbally!) with our surface mind, the part that interacts with
the outside world, using words and their concepts to form the
plans. Ideally our words are in tune with what they describe. When
they aren’t, our emotions can and do lead us astray. The first
definition of sentiment in my actual Random House College
Edition dikker, is an attitude toward something; second is a feeling
or emotion. I expect the root has to do with sensing through the
senses, which is scorned in Vedanta, and now scientists know what
the rishis understood without technology: our own brain interprets
the sensing and displays it to us as our view of the world.
In both senses, emotion and sentiment, we are called upon to
distinguish fact from fancy, knowing we are substantially ignorant,
always. Yes, if we’re in a rage, we should be suspicious of its
validity, and we can be swept away by desire in many forms. Our
inner guru is like Krishna, in that it doesn’t recognize social
distinctions. Ergo, we have to supply those whenever necessary.
This seems to me to only matter when we’re acting. In the
absence of action, what’s the problem? The Gita stays with action
all through, and that is very different from some other philosophies
that emphasize restraint more gravely.
Pun intended.
Clearly you understand all this, Bailey, and you end with an
excellent wrap-up. We’re aiming for balanced understanding, here,
and not simply turning away from engagement with our glorious
world. And it must include getting furious at what’s happening,
and then equalizing our feelings, for our own and others’ benefit.The intensity gives depth to the equanimity.
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