A few of you uncovered my birthday—thanks for the good
wishes. I’m 75 as of today, May 9, and holding the class is a major
joy of my senescence. I hope you quiet ones are getting something
out of the course, too. I did hear from Puja she is reading along, a
nice surprise. Good wishes to everyone!
Bindu
When I reflect on my life, I realise that many of my early choices
were not truly my own. I never consciously chose to come to
London. Instead, I followed the path shaped by tradition, family
expectations, and social norms.
I grew up in a culture where arranged marriage was the norm.
When my parents accepted a proposal from a family in London, I
went along with it without question. However, when the groom
came to see me, he rejected me, saying I was “a bit chubby” and
wanted someone better suited. In a small village where everyone
knows one another, this news spread quickly. The same people
who knew my marriage was fixed also knew it was rejected. It was
deeply humiliating.
I had lived according to what I believed was a “right”
way—respectful, God-fearing, and obedient to social
expectations—yet I still faced rejection. This experience created a
shift within me. Although better proposals came afterward, I
rejected them. Looking back, I can see that I was reacting from
hurt and anger—perhaps toward my parents for rushing into the
situation, and perhaps toward the circumstances that interrupted
my education.
At that time, my parents strongly believed in astrology and felt I
should marry between the ages of 18 and 20, so they were eager to
proceed with proposals. But internally, something had changed in
me. I withdrew and resisted.
Then, within three months, my husband’s proposal came. In
hindsight, I feel I may have accepted it partly as a way of escaping
the shame I experienced. When he accepted me, I remember
thinking, in my 20-year-old mind, that he was more handsome than
the one who had rejected me. It felt like a turning point, and within
ten days, we were married.
This may seem unusual to some, but in 1990s Varkala, this was
normal. Marriages were arranged, and love often followed
marriage rather than preceded it.
Looking back now, I understand that I did not choose London out
of desire or ambition. I chose it as a way to restore my self-respect.
I was young, not yet wise, even though I was completing a
mathematics degree. I was not thinking deeply about my future—I
was reacting to pain.
When I arrived in London, I entered an unfamiliar world. Apart
from my husband’s family, I had no support system. I struggled
with language, pronunciation, and cultural differences. At 21, I
became a mother while still adjusting to a new country. Life
moved quickly, and I adapted as best as I could.
Reflecting on the statement from the Gita, “When ignorance
attains power, truth becomes its greatest threat,” I see elements of
that in my past. I was not aware enough to question the path laid
out for me. I followed what was considered right without fully
understanding whether it was right for me. The social structure I
lived in did not encourage individual questioning, and in that
sense, truth—personal truth—remained hidden.
At the same time, I do not view my husband as part of that
ignorance. For me, he came at the right moment, almost like a
form of grace, helping me move beyond a painful phase in my life.
What began as an escape gradually became a pathway for growth.
Over time, London, which I once felt I had not chosen, became
part of my identity. I often think of it as a stepmother—sometimes
harsh, sometimes nurturing, but still shaping who I am. I continue
to balance different values from family, culture, and work, learning
as I go.
The Gita’s idea that “what is coming at you is coming from
you” has made me reflect on responsibility. I no longer see myself
as a victim of circumstances, but I also try not to blame myself
harshly for decisions made without awareness. Instead, I recognise
that I was acting from the level of understanding I had at that time.
Now, I see my life as a gradual movement from:
following without questioning,
to reacting from emotion,
to beginning to reflect and choose consciously.
Joining this class is part of that journey. For the first time, I feel I
am not just accepting ideas or reacting to situations, but truly
trying to understand myself. In that sense, I relate deeply to the
idea of “wisdom sacrifice” from Chapter IV—the effort to seek
understanding and strip away what is unnecessary.
I may not have chosen my path consciously in the beginning, but
now I am beginning to choose awareness. And perhaps that is
where true freedom starts.
Love Bindu x
Scott: Yes, Bindu, we humans stumble through life, suffering
many slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, yet somehow most
of us eventually knit together into a substantial being, with a
capacity to heal or harm those around us as we make our way
forward. I find it helpful to realize others are as in the dark as I am,
so I don’t put them on a pedestal or grant them powers over me
they don’t actually have.
Apparently, love marriages began with the movies, and have
been around only about 100 years. Their success rate is no better
than arranged marriages, from what I’ve read. The whole
partnering business is a fantasy tempest inching fitfully toward
reality. No matter what road we take, life is a struggle to come into
our own. It sounds like you have been both fortunate and skillful,
Bindu.
The best is that if you do wake up to your life, you are
satisfied how it turned out, and can laugh at what a fool you’ve
been. (I’m speaking of myself, primarily. We all make plenty of
mistakes, and they bounce off each other.) The Gita is a
masterwork that will help many of your intimations fall into a
sensible order. As you identify with the wisdom sacrifice, you’re
already well along in assimilating its message.
Well said, how you see your life: none of us choose our path
early on, and it’s very lucky we don’t get the chance. When we’re
ready, we can take over some of the guidance, and take other hands
off our steering wheel.
Guru Nitya often told us that our “inner guru” arranged the
world to promote expression of our latent abilities. I find that an
uplifting metaphor, with a lot of truth in it. We don’t, then, have to
paddle our own canoe, all we have to do is help it along with a few
strokes, and watch where it’s taking us. Bindu, you have every
reason to give your inner guru a lot of credit—it’s done very well
by you.
Gopica
My reflections on verses 1 to 11 of Chapter 4. These verses speak
about how true wisdom is not just information, but knowing how
to act with clarity, humility, and faith. I can see this in a recent
experience at work.
Verse 1–2 Wisdom comes from clear guidance
In these verses, Krishna says that wisdom is passed from one who
knows to one who listens with care. In my work, the leader guides
us, but sometimes the message is short and not fully clear. Instead
of reacting, I now try to ask a gentle question, to understand her
intention before acting. This helps me work with clarity, not
confusion.
Verses 3–4 Duty without ego
Arjuna asks who can truly understand this teaching. These verses
remind me that duty is about doing what is needed, not trying to
prove myself. The admin felt blamed for data that depended on
volunteers. Instead of taking it as “my fault” or “her fault,” I tried
to see it as a shared duty: help gather the data honestly, within
what is possible.
Verses 5–7 Acting in the present moment
Krishna says he appears whenever dharma declines. For me, this
means: respond in the present, not in fear. When only 3 out of 17
volunteers replied, I did not stay stuck in frustration. With the
admin, we called the others and gathered what was possible. We
did not wait for “perfect” data; we did what was right now.
Verses 8–11 Steadiness in action and relationship
Krishna says he acts to protect the good, remove what is harmful,
and re-establish balance. These verses help me stay steady when
things feel unfair. Earlier, I used to feel heavy or confused with the
leader’s feedback. Now I try to listen, reflect, and act with clarity. I
also respond with empathy, not anger.
There was a situation where the leader asked me to work with the
admin, then later her message was a little unclear. I did what I
understood, admitted that it was based on my understanding, and
shared it openly. She replied “thank you” and asked to integrate the
data. This shows that honest action, even in confusion, can still
support harmony.
My admin, often says, “inspite of her giving 100% effort, she at
times accused” and feels hurt. I gently asked her, “Can anyone
really meet 100% of another person’s expectations, especially what
is not in our control?” I invited her to focus on what is in our
control: doing our best, learning from what comes, and staying
kind to ourselves and others. She felt more relaxed after that.
Scott: It sounds like you are more of the guru to your admin,
Gopica, than she is to you. You’ve handled a tough situation well,
and I really like the way you have applied the ancient wording to
present-day issues.
Clarity gained through questioning is so central to life, it’s
too bad many people are over-sensitive to being questioned.
Because of your example, I searched through Guru Nitya’s
Selected Quotes (available on his website
http://aranya.me/read.html . So many amazing treasures of
wisdom! The main point is the disciple must ask good questions, in
a respectful manner. Just what you’ve demonstrated.
The relation between a question and its answer is analogous to
the relation between a disciple and Guru. A silly question can
evoke only a commonplace answer, while a serious question, in
its turn, can open up rare secrets. Each disciple gets, as it were,
a Guru according to their own merit. (Gita, 13)
After humbling yourself, you should look for an opportunity
where the guru is pleased to narrate. But beyond that the
reverence stops. Thereafter, you put searching questions to the
guru. You are not to just sit there like a dunce; you must ask
searching questions. And when he or she speaks, you are not to
lie down and accept it at face value, but you must critically
examine every word. Scrutinize all that is said. Then afterwards
you do what you like according to your best understanding, not
what the guru likes. (Therapy and Realization in the Bhagavad
Gita)
Many questions stem from their answers. So if we wait for
some time, the questions will transmute into their answers.
(Love and Blessings, 426)
The seeker and the seer are on the same path. All the same they
are not the same kind of beneficiaries of wisdom. The seer has
solved age-old riddles in his or her heart. The seeker again and
again gets lost on the slippery pathway to certitude. The quality
of life is decided by how happy you are, how consistently you
are happy, and how you are established in that happiness.
Those who lack this excellence are always haunted by the
questions: “What next? Where should I turn? Who can I
approach? How can it be accomplished? How can I know that
what I seek is truly what I need or what I want?” From the
examples of those who have gone before us, we discover that in
most cases those who have succeeded had someone to guide
them, someone to hold their hand with compassion. The
successful have been led to the sanctuary of satisfaction where
there is no longer any remorse or sense of inadequacy. The
masters who lead the seekers are called preceptors of wisdom.
(Brihadaranyaka Upanishad, Vol. III, 433)
Bailey
OMG Scott! “When ignorance attains to power, truth is its
biggest threat…. Because of this, truth seekers are marginalized
virtually everywhere.” How true is this of the culture you inhabit,
if any?” er, did this prompt just come to you out of the
blue? Those who worship ignorance, the Isa Upanishad assures us,
enter a realm of blind darkness—but “truth” seems hardly to daunt
them. Or rather, for Demonic Donald, “truth” seems to mean
whatever he says it means at a particular moment. It does seem
emphatically the case that “truth seekers”, in regard to the
Absolute as well as managing our vulnerable and menaced
everyday world, are marginalized, at any rate that seems to be
Power’s plan. In the culture I inhabited, by choice aided by luck,
most of my life, truth was the lodestar for many of us, and that
remains true of my colleagues in the universities, those I know
somewhat. But we are under assault by the power-worshippers
driven by ambition and greed, themselves nourished by resentment
and ignorance. How to understand this? Watching a Neflix
documentary on WWII offers a kind of knowledge that does not
encourage the faith in Reason and Progress bequeathed us by the
Enlightenment. Grinning young German soldiers, healthy well-fed
and confident, advancing into Russia in the summer of 1941,
filmed as they obey orders to shoot down Jews and other
subhumans, to set fire to their homes and farms. They don’t look
so happy and confident at Stalingrad in the winter of ’42-43, but
still they mostly obey orders (the filmmakers show us an
exception, a soldier ordered to shoot a prisoner, who instead walks
him out of sight and lets him escape into the woods). I have been
reading a lot, in the last couple of years, about world of the 1930’s
and 40s in Europe, the world of the growing-up, youth and early
maturity of my parents, the “cultures” –historical events,
economics, social realities, ideologies—of those years. I could
teach a class, a whole semester of classes on that era, but would I
at the end of it understand more why those young soldier did the
things they did, why the ones still surviving in 1945 continued to
fight desperately in obedience to a deranged madman whose final
plan was to destroy as much as could be destroyed? Into blind
darkness enter they... indeed. Sure, there were exceptions,
happily. The Paris to which I shall return tomorrow has preserved
so much of its charm and historic beauty, its character, because the
German commander in August 1944 evaded and finally disobeyed
Hitler’s direct, oft-repeated orders, to burn the place down. The
crack SS divisions who got those same orders, at the same time, in
regard to Warsaw carried them out with thorough, savage brutality
– while Stalin kept the Russian army in check 50 miles
away. Meanwhile France was being liberated by the combined
efforts of the French themselves and the Allied armies (rather
astonishingly France quickly transitioned from a defeated,
occupied country to a partner ally which would take a judicial seat,
with the Americans, English and Soviets, to judge the Nazis at
Nuremberg).
Did Krishna incarnate, per verses 7 & 8, in some sense in those
times restoring righteousness, protecting the good, destroying evil
doers? I’ve also been watching a new movie about Nuremberg,
where “crimes against humanity” began to have legal
existence. We Americans have mostly in our lifetimes admired
Lincoln for defending the Union and ending slavery –and he
remains a symbol of what much of the world admires/has admired
about America in our lifetimes—is this “truth” too now under
threat?
(chez KD (Kathleen) 28 Blvd St Denis, Paris April
30) “Conscious living”/ “Deliberate living”. ED emphasizes this
as key to Swamiji’s living/teaching. The stability of the self-
imposed pattern of his days once he became settled in the Ranchi
ashram in 1930 was rigorous, reliable, though subject to
adjustment with changing seasons (monsoon) or such
circumstances as the two visits to France arranged by his French
disciples. Stabilitas is the key vow taken by monks of the Order of
Saint Benedict, like Thomas Merton, ever since the 6 th century. A
useful prompt for me? How can it be? I am no monk! Is not
impulsive living-in-the-moment-listening-for-guidance-by-that-
inner-voice (the key concept of the Quakers) more in accord with
my nature? Or is this thought among Ego’s master ploys?
(May 4) My nature. My destiny. My svadharma. My
intention/intentions. My choices (my question to Nataraja Guru at
New Year 1973: how to make choices?) What am I supposed to do
in/with my life? “Deliberate living”---oh, plunged am I, plunged I
have been since I got on the overnight plane a week ago and
opened a second-hand copy of Philip Roth’s novel The Human
Stain (2000) which I had impulsively bought for a dollar in the
Bloomington public library’s old-books-sell-off shop just before I
left. Oh, I knew this to be as heavy-duty-as-delightfully-written-a-
novel, for I had read it before, on the 2001 trip to France when I
brought my 15-year-old daughter and 10-year-old son along to
discover my Europe with me. And when they had returned to the
States with Christine and I settled into directing the Walhain
excavation I opened that then new-and-fresh novel (the story set in
1998) to relax evenings to read with growing delight. Roth’s gift
as a writer: so serious and at the same time so funny. This is the
time to reread it, Impulse said, so I grabbed it and here I sit shaking
my head in wonder at 2 AM in Paris, France.
Coleman Silk, the protagonist, in his Freshman year at Howard
University when his father (by whose firm intention he was
enrolled in that university) abruptly dies, drops out of school and
acts decisively. WWII is started: he joins the Navy, as a white
man. Today we might shrug – mixed-race, big deal, but in those
days black and white was...black and white. No joking, no
nuances. Some of Coleman’s forebears had been slaves in Georgia
not so many years ago but the paternal line moved north to New
Jersey and intermarried with Negro families which went back to
the 17 th century, light-toned from generations of racial
mixing. Coleman, energetic, disciplined, strong-willed as a teen-
ager takes up boxing-for-fun (well, it might be said, for character-
building); his Jewish teacher/trainer nudges him to fight-as-white
in a particular match which could have led to an athletic
scholarship in a major university, allowing him to “slip the punch”
of accepting a life in the officially inferior stratum of segregated
America. Something his father, a man of unyielding principle,
would never allow. So in Howard, the foremost historically black
college, Coleman is on the rails to life as a Negro, an identity
imposed on him by birth, as he sees it, against which his spirit
rebels: NOT CHOSEN BY ME. Father suddenly not there, he
chooses the Navy and passing-for-white henceforth, and the
consequences of this choice over the rest of his life are the novel’s
major theme. In the summer of 1998, after a distinguished career
as a Classical scholar professor, and Dean of elite old Athena
College in the Berkshire mountains of Western Massachusetts (my
own Williams College is clearly Roth’s model) he is estranged
from the college and the community where he had wielded such
power, been such a great teacher, as a result of an offhand phrase
used in class misinterpreted (to some extent understandably-if-
stupidly, to some extent opportunistically and maliciously) as
racist. Roth is a prophet, here, of the turmoil in 21 st century
America over “woke culture”, a term not yet invented and
cynically manipulated by the Right and Donald Trump. But what
speaks to me here in our study is what to learn from Coleman
Silk’s drama about “deliberate living”, the nature of Truth, and the
consequences of the choices one makes.
For young Coleman, to accept an identity as “colored”, or
Negro, amounts to a Lie in regard to a preferred Truth that insists
he construct his own identity as an individual. The ideal expressed
by the Victorian English poet Henley: “I am the master of my
fate/I am the captain of my soul” (Invictis). His deliberate
rejection of that identity leads to cutting himself off from his own
family, and in order to invent the self and construct the future he
has decided upon, to invent himself as Jewish, to marry a Jewish
woman and pass along his invented story, this chosen identity, to
his own four children. In pursuit of his own private Truth, to
entangle himself such a web of deceits that an accusation of
“racism” becomes his nemesis. Just today in an article in the
French weekly L’Express, bought on impulse for the metro, the
French philosopher Julia de Funes explains: the error comes from
the insistence in our contemporary culture of putting identity in
place of principled, nuanced distinction. It is one thing to affirm,
Coleman, that “race” ought not to matter (both laws and social
realities have changed so much since the 1940s that many more
people agree on that), another to hide the truth of your own racial
background. The tragic issue of the path your choice(s) entailed is
made clear in this novel, as is its resonances with the tragic Greek
dramas you taught with great care, honesty and skill in your
career. The heroic aspects of that deliberately chosen life are also
explored, with sensitivity, nuance and humor, by Philip Roth in a
novel which I consider worthy of a Nobel prize. Is it by chance that
a French philosopher waves to me as I pursue my path, savoring its
ironic wealth? Perhaps, Nataraja Guru, I have not entirely
disregarded your advice?
What does Krishna say? “As each chooses to approach Me,
even accordingly do I have regard for him. My very path it is, O
Arjuna, that all men do tread from every (possible) approach.” (v
11)
What has Gilles Farcet to say to us (Christine and me) a propos
our “inner ecology” in our morning spiritual reading? (9 AM
now) Good resolutions, he asks us? Problem is, the one who
resolves to take a healthy morning run is not the same as the one
who decides ten minutes later better to drink a coffee than to lace
up the running shoes. We are not one, we are several, many. Until
we are unified... Until “the heart becomes like a stone”
(Yeats, Easter 1916), until young Silky the boxer becomes Dean
Silk... the many don’t agree. Best, advises GF, to keep the
resolutions simple, as realist as possible. I hear Kathleen returning
from her early morning yoga. Let us go down to Le Sully and sip
our café crème.
Scott: To be honest, Bailey, the quest for power and dominance is
a most typical urge of ignorance, and human history is littered with
its tragedies. Yet, that is a good quote, to shrink it down to a few
words. We are left to wonder if computer power isn’t the last
weapon needed to make ignorance a permanent condition. It’s
certainly a big help, and you have to credit the right wing for first
realizing its value for propaganda.
We didn’t expect to witness the apocalypse, did we? It
seemed like scare tactics, more than a warning of what to look out
for.
I don’t know that I have any consolation to offer, but I find
profound consolation in the Gita’s clear-headed philosophy. At
least it can help us stay sane while all those about us are losing
their heads. (I’m sure you know your Kipling, here paraphrased.)
You are finding the readings a stimulus for retrospection over
your life, it seems, and that’s a wonderful thing at a late stage like
ours. We hit a very sweet spot in history, and ardently hoped it
would last. Why would anyone prefer hatred and misery-making to
peace and love? And yet the appeal is irresistible. Darn! The movie
of our lives holds plenty of comedy and tragedy, suspense and
ennui, cleverness and stupidity. No boots stamped our faces,
endlessly. My drop in the bucket is to pass on a little of what a
very enlightened and kindhearted trio of gurus gifted all sentient
beings, and is already fading away. It’s too early to imagine what
comes next.
People our age watched a lot of documentaries on TV about
WWII in our childhoods, and it made us peace-lovers. I can still
picture some of the scenes, all in black and white. Soldiers frozen
stiff in Russia, as they walked, still upright, forging forward.
Impossible! Scenes out of hell, right here on earth.
We’d welcome Jesus or Krishna coming back into the world
and kicking ass, but I’m afraid it isn’t going to be that easy. I’m
happy to be proved wrong. There is an inherent balance in the
world, and it may be that humans have overstepped their bounds of
devastating our dear Mother, so our time is up. What “rough beast”
will replace us?
Th Roth book sounds fascinating; thanks for the synopsis.
As yogis, we know we can’t “fix” anything. we can only live
well and stand for reason and justice. Try to live up to XII,15: Be
one who does not disturb (the peace of) the world and (whose
peace) is not disturbed by the world, and who is free from
exaggerations of joy, hate and fear. Nothing to it.
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